Choices

   I have been through my trials, and tests, and climbed some treacherous mountains. With hospital bills totalling nearly 3 grand looming over my head on my part time income, I am giving it up to God. I am learning that he will totally provide in ways I never thought possible.  Not to step on any toes, or brag (I think I have been doing that a lot) but I must say that through it all I am in a perpetual good mood. Ddespite everything that's happened in the past 2 years nothing could bring me down at this point in my life. I think I have found my meadow. There isn't a complete absence of stresses and hardships but I have made a choice to have a positive perspective about them. My wonderful friend Kim gave me a book while I was pregnant called The Noticer by Andy Andrews. If anyone is struggling with seeing the good in trials and hard times you have got to read this book. It's not overly spiritual but I saw so profoundly why bad things happen to good people. It is all about the perspective you have on a situation. It is a choice and it is my choice to view difficult times as a learning process to become a stronger more balanced woman.
      I love my job because each day when I get there and open up my email there is a devotion and a daily prayer in my inbox. God will always find a way to speak to us if we are willing to listen. I can truly feel God's love for me and looking back on my trials I see why I went through what I went through.
      I pray that as Royce grows he sees my peace and understands that it's all due to the Lord's goodness. My prayer request for now is that I only do things that are according to His will. I just want to follow Him in every aspect of my life. He is SO GOOD!
    Royce just got some mean hiccups sitting here with me so I need to wrap it up. Praise God, be joyful!

Traditions

     The same thing happens every year for me as the holidays come around. I've never been very into the whole shopping aspect of it but I always have great anticipation of all my families traditions. We get our tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, put up all the Christmas decorations including our handmade stockings from Grammy. We pull out our stack of Christmas dvd's and cd's and start listening to and watching them all over again. On Christmas morning Allie usually comes in and wakes everyone up much too early and we exchange our gifts followed by a country brunch.The same routine every year. It is so comforting to know what's to come.
     Now that I have my own little guy I want to start our own traditions so that he feels secure and comforted as I always did. I am looking for any unique, fun, and preferably cheap traditions that I can start with him. This year, being his first, he won't be able to participate but I want pictures to show him someday of when we started doing our special tradition. I am loving the "elf-on-the-shelf" idea. So cute and encourages good behavior! Even if it's a little thing like leaving a little home-made gift for one another under the tree, I want to teach him family values and the importance of being thankful for what you have. If anyone is doing something sweet and special that you wouldn't mind passing on I would love to hear from you.
    This year I got Royce his very own Radio-Flyer classic red wagon. Cannot wait to pull him around in it and watch him grow to being able to pull it on his own. Year one with him is already flying by way too fast. Almost 4 months old! Wow...okay I am going to go cry now.
    Thanks everyone! Happy Holidays! XOXO

In My Rythym..

     I could not have asked for a more perfect little angel baby. Why did God chose to be so kind to me? I'll never know the expanse of His love. Royce is such a go-with-the-flow kid. He is handsome. He is sweet. I could go on and on but it just sounds like bragging. I assure you it's all fact. haha
    So it's been a while since my last post but I now feel well established in my routine. Very well established actually. I feel like I have such a good grasp on my day to day schedule that my stress level is at zero. If I had known this was possible for me while I was pregnant I would have been much less freaked out about being a mommy. I owe my success to God the Father, the book "Baby Whisperer" and my mother who is the biggest supporter that I have.
     I am reminded by either Jesus voice or my extremely loud conscious that it is a must to live in every moment I am awake. It is far too easy to miss a smile, a clinch of that little hand, or a sweet sigh.When my little one is growing inches before my eyes I can see how easy it is to let the days fly by without hardly remembering what I've done. I try to soak up and drink in his warm little body curled up on my chest, his velvet head pressed up to my cheek, every chance I get. God, it is sweet. No, having a baby at a young age, unmarried, living at home is not ideal for most but how perfect of a plan. I am the best version of myself when I am with him. God has given me Royce as my own personal life saver, keeping me in constant check with myself. I want to give Royce the world, for I believe he deserves nothing less.
     Praise God in all I do. Next on the list is finding a decent husband :) And when I say decent I mean absolutely gorgeous and perfect. haha
    Till then...
    I will be enjoying every second of motherhood...
    It is a gift..

We did it

8lbs 10ozs, 21 1/2 inches long. 24 hours of labor. Delivered vaginally and posterior (sunny-side up). Yes, I DID IT!!!! As every mother says I'm sure, it was a horrific labor and delivery. But the greatest reward in the world has been an easy, beautiful, cooperative baby. As I had been saying, all in God's timing, all in his plan, his finger prints are everywhere through this experience. Royce was one large baby but due to the fact that his head is small I was able to deliver him naturally and avoid c-section and episiotomy. Thank you Jesus! The nursing staff and my doctor were incredible. I couldn't have asked for a more mature solid positive team of people getting me through the process. Thank you Jesus! I had pushed for 3 1/2 hours and in the end lost a pint of blood. My uterus was so fatigued that it stopped contracting so they shot me in my leg with a dose of pitocin..WOWEE! Panic definitely set in at that point and I couldn't calm my breathing so I was given oxygen. All the while my baby boy was nestled on my bare chest, his hand clasped around my finger. At last we met. True love! He handled delivery like a champ and my first shot at breast feeding he latched on! From then on I have had NO problems with feeding him. Again, thank you Jesus.
I know that I wouldn't have been able to make it through this so beautifully without such a strong support group of family and friends. Prayer has been my strong hold and my refuge. God truly has shown himself to me in the blessing of this perfect baby boy. Now I know what true love is....
Week one of mother hood has come and gone..sleep deprivation has never been so rewarding. I wouldn't trade this life for anything.

Over-Due

Six days over-due. It's really not as awful as I thought it might be but I am getting nervous that he is going to be this massive baby. Each day that goes by he's growing more and more. It's incredible to see how my body has managed to accommodate him so comfortably. At least I know by Friday I will have a baby boy in my arms. Praying that I don't have to go on pitocin and possibly have to get a c-section. I would LOVE to avoid that. All in God's hands.
So, that's my physical state. As for my emotional state I have been on a bit of a roller coaster. The uncertainty with finances is definitely taking a toll. I had a huge mental break down two nights ago thinking how unprepared I am to be a mother. Yikes!!! The longer over-due I am the longer it is that I can't work...I did not plan ahead very well. I just keep praying that God will provide and get me through. It is looking like I'm on my own for supporting Royce which scares me but at least I will be able to say someday I got through some really tough years! I found some affordable insurance for him and a really great pediatrician. Only the best for my little Royce. So soon till I get to meet him face to face. Fingers still crossed I go into labor naturally. Getting a pedicure today just might do the trick :)

Blessing in Disguise

Reasons why God is in control of timing:
1. I got a call for a job today which I would have missed if I had the baby. (1-5pm Monday-Friday. $10 an hour starting) Receptionist position.
2. I found my camera which I thought I lost so now when I do have Royce my battery is charged and I will be able to have photos.
3. I was able to go to Target and get all my nursing essentials. Tank tops, pump, etc.
4. I got to spend good quality time with just me and my grammy.
5. I get to have a good nights sleep :)

Bumps and Bruises

This morning I went into my doctors office for my NST (Non-stress Test), was hooked up for 20 minutes, heard Royce's strong heartbeat, and was sent home immediately after that. Unfortunately for me my doctor was called in to do emergency surgery and was unable to see me at all. Yes, I am only 1 day past my due date but my emotions took over and I just cried my way home. As you may already know I had my hopes pretty high about this appointment so it was a hard let down. I have been reading about how women can get discouraged and disappointed when their due date comes and goes but wow, I am feeling that now! Bless my mothers heart for trying to keep my mind out of the gutter and completely giving up. She makes me daily lists of ways to pass the time, a very good method of distraction if you ever find yourself in this position. If it were up to me right now I would bury myself under some blankets and watch a full season of Desperate Housewives on Netflix. (That's about 12, 40 min. episodes to put things in perspective).  

As for the plan of action in this upcoming week, Monday I have another NST, Thursday at 3:30pm my doctor is going to give me a drug to ripen my cervix, and Friday morning the 31st of August I will be admitted into Labor and Delivery to be induced. Still hoping and praying that I will go into labor naturally because I hear for first time mom's it's a lesser chance of having to have a C-section. But, all in God's timing...everything happens for a reason.

Happy as a Clam

The day I have been waiting for for 9 months has finally come. Royce's room is clean, organized, and fully prepared for his arrival. I wake up calm, well rested, and ready to go on my morning walk at 7:30am. After my daily breakfast of Raisin Bran Crunch I noticed a sort of leak that I couldn't hold back from coming. I knew this was something to look out for. I truly thought I had ruptured my water and was having a slow trickle rather than the classic gush like you see in the movies. In the back of my mind I thought "what a peaceful way to go into labor!" I got a full nights sleep, my hair and makeup looked superb, and it's my exact due date! On top of that, no pain. After a call to my doctors office they sure enough told me to go into labor and delivery to get checked out. 3 hours and 3 pelvic exams later I did the walk of shame out of the hospital and went home. My contractions have completely stopped and on top of that I am completely closed up and still only fifty percent effaced (thinned out). BUMMER!

He seems to be the happiest little camper there ever was, content and peaceful staying in the womb with no intention of leaving. Instead of planning how I am going to get back at him for making mommy anxious, I am embracing this long day with a huge bowl of frozen yogurt, aromatherapy, and some good old rest and relaxation. I am done trying all the crazy ways to induce labor. I'm sorry but giving yourself diarrhea with Castor oil and spicy food is officially the dumbest way to try to induce oneself. Labor is induced when the baby says he's ready. If I want to be the kind of parent who allows their children to decide things for themselves I need to start with this...allowing him to decide when he wants to be born into this mad world. My anxiety and anxiousness is completely gone and I am just looking forward to my doctors appointment in the morning. Here's to another full night of sleep! :)

Waiting Game...

Day 6 of "pre-labor"...it really should be called a big huge tease. With braxton-hicks contractions, full blown contractions and a few other signs of labor going on I've decided that I'm just going to pretend I'm not really having a baby so I can stop getting my hopes up. I hear it all the time from nearly every single woman I talk to that first babies are always the most difficult. Well thank you Royce, you haven't let me down! Stubborn already. Today is Wednesday, I am due tomorrow, but have a Doctors appointment Friday...INDUCE ME PLEASE! Wouldn't it be great if babies knew our schedules and would make their grand appearance on the day that we get all our laundry done, are having a great hair day, and have had a good nights sleep? Just another reminder that parenthood is going to be a sacrifice. I love this bundle growing inside me with my entire heart. Prayer for patience. Prayer for a willingness to give up a need to control everything. I ask Royce everyday very nicely, "Please come out to meet me"...he doesn't listen very well. Again, a reminder that it's all on God's timing, I am not in control. Anxious for Friday to come. I need to enjoy these last few nights as a single unit...