..Ramblings..

Royce copies everything I do. I love it. I think he admires me. It also scares me because I have to keep myself in check constantly. Pre-Royce there was no one to keep me accountable. He's the perfect partner for this. My little sponge. I am the best version of myself to date for two major reasons. 1. The Grace of God. 2. Having Royce as a son. While I seriously do not suggest to people to have a baby just to change themselves or their circumstances I can guarantee that it will. Every aspect is flipped and turned and magnified. The choices I make today effect Royce's childhood and the rest of his life. No pressure!

If you knew me before I had Royce you know that I am not the same person I once was. Sometimes my old self, my ugly, close minded, impatient, angry self comes out and let me tell you, I hate it. I despise it. It makes me sick. We do not get along. When you have a little one screaming and hanging onto your leg while you attempt to do the simple task of taking milk out of the fridge your own house can feel a lot like a mental hospital. And that's when your mentally ill self rips out of you and takes hold of your actions. Your babe stands there looking up at you like you two have never met...oh gosh...mommy lost it. I turn back to prayer. I turn back to the fruits of the Spirit. I am at peace once again. Why is our patience tested? Why is it just so hard? Well we are done with high school, we are done with college. Done with petty drama, done with drugs, done with partying, drinking, playing the field. What else is there to teach us the valuable lessons of life? Reproduction and the entry into a journey of reliving your childhood from a not as fun perspective because everything costs a million dollars and you have to be 36 inches tall to ride on it. I love it. It's made me find myself and it's grounded me. Having my patience tested is eye opening. I can't pass on a challenge. I'm too competitive. I'll show those mom's how well behaved and clean and smart my kid is! Time, energy, dedication, whole-hearted perseverance is what it takes. And by gosh I'm going to do it!

Remembering today that this is a privilege, motherhood. I am Royce's and he is mine. Never taking a moment for granted.  

Facebook...not the place

People, moms especially, love nothing more (except their own children) than giving others advice. Advice on birthing your baby, feeding your baby, disciplining your child, holding your child, dressing your child and on and on. With social media at our finger tips every second of the day we are tempted with being allowed to blurt out personal beliefs. With that we are bombarded with a whole slew of nonsense advice. It made me feel, as a first time mom, like I wasn't doing EVERYTHING I could with my child. She wears her baby, and she lets her kid feed himself with a fork, oh, and she still nurses her toddler. Should I?? There are cliques who feed off each others enthusiasm and passion on certain methods and quite honestly make other mom's who don't do what they do feel inadequate and defensive.

We are divided as parents more than ever before. If you aren't still nursing your 3 year old you probably can't hang with them. If you let your kid run around without her hair brushed and braided you probably can't hang with them. It's getting out of control. Who really cares? Not the kids! I would feel like a free woman if I got on Facebook and didn't have to see some argument between mom's on how to cope with your child's teething pains. It's exhausting. I admit I have gotten sucked into debates trying to prove to everyone that getting your baby boy circumcised is the way to go! But wait...does it really matter?

There are times and there are places to give others advice. If we held back airing our personal achievements of potty training, sleep training and child-rearing we may come across as approachable, or better yet, loving parents. I hope it changes. I know many who feel the same as I do. As a christian woman trying to be a Godly example to my kid I would hope that when he was older and could read everything I wrote he would be proud of me.

On a positive note, prayers have been answered since my last post. Thanks to all who read. Enjoy the Holidays.