Eyes to See with

 It will be 3 in the afternoon before I realize what day I am in. My feet hit the ground running with completing task after obligation after appointment and I hardly even look up to see where I am going. Result is a numbed mind, swept up so far away from the ground I can see it in the clouds. It's so easy to look straight through the people you encounter every day because all you are focused on is fighting to get through. So much is missed when you don't use your own eyes to see with. Too busy with this to ever get to enjoy that. Deep breath...

Right now we can reset and remind ourselves that it's possible to get out of this hectic and ugly routine. Life is so short. Sometimes I'm so busy SAYING how little time I have to do anything rather than shutting up and soaking up every moment loving life. Totally not an easy thing to love life when there's a storm raining down on you or someone you love. Not easy to love life when you have a million things to do and not a single thing involves enjoying yourself. Right in the busiest, most stressful moments of our days are the perfect times to reset our eyes to see the big picture. All of a sudden the tasks ahead seem attainable and conquerable. When the obligations become smaller obstacles obstructing our view, we can see the beauty in the little, but most important things throughout our days.

Beautiful and mysterious are the lives we lead...everything can change in a split second but if we equip ourselves to flex and bend with the curves it will all be okay.

Help!

I'm learning. Slowly, but not very surely. Learning as a mother, as a woman, as a single person, as a
human takes time and a listening ear. 

    The word help often has a has a negative connotation which is a sad reality. I look around at everyone and at myself these days and think, wow, we all keep to ourselves so much. Does anyone ask for help anymore? Does everyone have it together, did I miss that lecture?And what if I did ask for help? I know! I would be labeled helpless and lost. Not strong enough. And what would a bad label like that do to my social life? Oh my gosh, I just won't even go there! Not now.

I got news. There's nothing more freeing than expressing your needs to not only your friends or family but to the people in your community. This feeling is a little like dumping a load of garbage off a bridge. You no longer have to carry around the stench of worry and loneliness. Get it out and get it off! I was amazed when I figured this out. Never had I ever felt poorly towards someone who came to ME asking for a favor or help. Why should anyone feel that towards me if I asked for help? No reason. It's simply a lie we tell ourselves because we want to be strong and independent. Well stop that right now, ladies and gentleman. What are we doing in this life if we aren't there to share with each other support of words, money, clothing, food, WHATEVER! We all have valuable things to offer one another. Lay it down, that thing called pride, and free yourself. You might even make friends along the way. Not just Facebook friends but real ones. And about that listening ear. Listen for opportunities. Listen for others outcries of pain and need. Stop staring at your phones all day and look another person in the eyes. It's amazing what could happen....

I tried it....

Oh my gosh, so, after 3-4 weeks of telling Royce "NO, STOP, KNOCK IT OFF, OUCH" to try and get him to stop hitting the TV with his toys and failing miserably I finally tried...IT! I swiftly snatched the toy car out of his hand and smacked him on the hand. He looked down at his hand then looked up and me and walked away laughing. I had to laugh too considering I inflicted little to no pain because I didn't have the balls to do it full force. I took so many child development classes and everyone tells you that spanking does nothing productive and yet I was always the advocate for it in the room. 

I was spanked as a child. I don't actually remember why I was but I definitely remember feeling shame and the obvious, pain. Once I had Royce I changed my mind about spanking, I was NOT going to do that. I would be more diplomatic, kind, loving, patient, reasonable. Well yesterday I had to just see if it would actually work. I just didn't have it in me to really give it an honest try. Different parenting styles, different kids, different ages all yield different approaches. Does spanking teach kids boundaries, respect? I don't really know, but I know now that it's just not me. So, now I'm just going to pray he listens to me...yep, I'm passive. I'll probably pay for it too.